A policy mantra (from Machines Are the Easy Part)

From Machines Are the Easy Part; People Are the Hard Part. 

Illustrations by Brady Johnson

27. A policy mantra.

Every now and again I hear: “I can’t do that because our technician said I couldn’t.” Which usually surprises me as Technology Director since I could not remember having made such a decision.

It’s at this point I have to ask that teacher or administrator to repeat our policy mantra:

Technicians do not make policy. Technicians do not make policy. Technicians do not make policy.

Policies and rules regarding technology use should come from educators, not technologists. Of course, smart educators will get lots of input from their techies before making policy.

28. Keep technicians and paraprofessionals in the loop.

OK, let’s be fair here. I just wrote:

“Policies and rules regarding technology use should come from educators, not technologists.”

The corollary to this is that smart educators will make sure technicians and paraprofessionals understand the important role they play in the educational process as well. Such an understanding helps these folks prioritize their often overwhelming work load. It helps them make good technical decisions. It helps give them job satisfaction that their paychecks probably do not.

When a NASA custodian was once asked what his job was, he replied, “To put a man on the moon.”

What would your techies say their jobs were?

29. Philosophy on implementing large technology systems: I'd rather be optimistic than right.

Pardon my French, but implementing, changing or even upgrading any complex technology system is a son of a bitch. I have seen people who are strong, happy and resilient reduced to tears during such processes.

Keep the following in mind:

• The system will eventually work.
• There’s an important purpose of the change.
• People will not want to go back to the previous system after they have had a chance to get familiar with the new system.
• No amount of training will ever be enough for some people.
• It’s not just you - businesses, universities, and technology centers experience problems as well.

I try to remind my boss that a large technology implementation should never evaluated until it has been in place for at least a year. 

Keep the faith. Be optimistic.

Machines shouldn't do people's jobs (from Machines Are the Easy Part)

From Machines Are the Easy Part; People Are the Hard Part. 

Illustrations by Brady Johnson

24. Kids will always know more about some things than you will.

According to a recent listserv posting, a librarian was frustrated because her school’s filter denied her class access to Google’s search engine. After she voiced her frustration to her class, a student came up and whispered: “You can do the same thing with <http://google.ca> (the unblocked Canadian version of the site). Problem solved.

Many - if not most - kids have more time, more energy, less fear, and greater comfort with technology than we old people ever will. Accept it. 

What we bring to the table is not the “how-to” but the “why-to.” When my son plunks a digitized movie into a presentation, it’s my job to ask “Why?” Does it add to the communication power of the message?

 
25. Machines shouldn't do people's jobs. 

Here is a personal list of things people rather than technology should do:

• Decide what Internet sites are appropriate and not appropriate.
• Correct anyone’s grammar.
• Teach kids to read.
• Answer the school telephone.
• Write poetry.

My dad was very mechanical, but never owned an answering machine and complained every time he reached mine. His comment: “If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d go to the garage and talk to my lawnmower.” After going through a dozen menu options when trying to reach some schools, I’m becoming more sympathetic.

Don’t ask machines to do tasks that are uniquely human. Artificial intelligence is, after all, artificial.

26. Technology is neither good nor bad. The same hammer can both break windows and build cathedrals.

I call this the rule of technology neutrality. I am constantly amazed at both the techophobes and the technophiles. 

• Give kids (or adults) e-mail and they will send tasteless jokes.
• Give them wireless devices and they will pass notes and test answers.
• Give them photo editing software and some very silly pictures will result.
• Give them Internet access and they will find sites that are nasty.

This is not new. The first motion pictures made were naughty ones. It probably took the first tool-using ape about 30 seconds to figure out that coconuts and skulls could both be cracked.

I try to remember the Latin expression: Ex abusu non arguitur in usum. (The abuse of a thing is no argument against its use.) Anticipate the problems and then adopt the technologies anyway.

Do YOU remember Sweet Betsy from Pike?

A recent addition to my annual physical includes a quick memory test. I am given three words (captain, chair, picture), then later in the visit am asked to repeat them. I guess I do OK since I’ve not yet been committed to an assisted care facility. 

Memory is a funny thing. Some older relatives seem to have a better time remembering small incidents from their own childhoods than the names of the people in the same room. My sister can always remember much more from our childhoods than I ever can. I always have a tough time remembering the names of actors or authors, but given enough time, I can usually come up with them. “It’s all still there,” I say, “it just takes longer to float to the surface.”

Last week as I was hiking, I thought of the old song “Sweet Betsy from Pike” that I sang (in Boy Scouts?) as a kid. This is what I remembered of it:

Do you remember Sweet Betsy from Pike
Crossed the tall mountains with her lover, Ike.
With two yoke of oxen and an old yellow dog,
One Shanghai rooster and a big spotted hog.

I googled the song when I got home and found literally dozens of verses and alternate wordings. That’s the nature of old ballads, I guess.

Just for fun, I decided to run a little memory test and see how many songs and lyrics I could remember from my misspent youth. I did not check them for accuracy. Here they are as I remember them.

There are stanzas for ants one through ten:

The ants go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah.
The ants go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah.
The ants go marching two by two,
But the little on stopped to tie his shoe.
They go down, in the ground, to get out of the rain.

Individuals sang this one in Sunday school whenever we wore new shoes.

I’ve got new shoes, new shoes, new shoes.
I’ve got new shoes,.all day long.

Sing the second part to Stars and Stripes Forever.

Twas midnight on the ocean,not a trolly car in sight.
The sun was shining brightly in the middle of the night.
A barefoot boy with shoes on was sitting in a tree
And when he put his glasses on, he heard this melody:

Be kind to your web-footed friends
For a duck may be somebody’s mother.
Although they live in a swamp (or swamp)
Where it’s very cold and damp (or damp).
So you may think that this is the end - well it is.

This one we sang at Boy Scout camp, standing on a dining room table top and slowly revolving if our birthday happened to fall on a camp day. I could only remember the first two lines.

I’m a little prairie flower
Growing wilder by the hour

One of my favorites that I still sing to kids. I get stern looks from their parents.

Did you ever think as a hearse goes by
That you might be the next to die?
They wrap you up in a dirty sheet
And throw you under six feet deep.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout.
Your body turns a ghastly green
And pus pours out like whipping cream.
And me without a spoon!

Another hiking song.

The bear went over the mountain.
The bear went over the mountain.
The bear went over the mountain.
To see what he could see. 
The other side of the mountain.
The other side of the mountain.
The other side of the mountain.
Was all that he could see.

Sang this one in church to piss off the Sunday school teacher:

We three kings of Orient - tar
Tried to smoke a rubber cigar.
It was loaded and it exploded.
We two kings of Orient-ar.

Sang this to my sister when her nose was out of joint.

Nobody likes me
Everybody hates me
Guess I’ll go eat worms. 
Big fat juicy worms. 
Gee, the worms like me. 

I taught this one to my elementary school classes and we would sing it when the classroom teacher was late picking them up from the library. The one verse was repeated, but after a few “a little bit louder, and a little bit worse,” the kids were pretty much bouncing off the walls.

Oh, the cow kicked Nelly in the belly in the barn.
Oh, the cow kicked Nelly in the belly in the barn.
Oh, the cow kicked Nelly in the belly in the barn.
But the farmer said didn’t do her no harm.
(Second verse, same as the first. Just a little bit louder and a little bit worse.)

I think I may have had a 45 record of this one.

Down by the river in an itty bitty pool
Lived three little fishies and a momma fishy too.
“Swim,”said the momma fishy, “swim if you can.”
So they swam and they swam right up to the dam.
Boop, boop, diddum, waddum, do.
Boop, boop, diddum, waddum, do.
And they swam and they swam right up to the dam.
“Stop” said the momma fishy, “or you will get lost.”
But the three little fishies didn’t wanna be bossed.
So they swam and they swam right over the dam.

One of my sister’s favorites and I think a version of it was in the movie Oh Brother, Where Art Thou.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.

Another one we sang in the First Baptist Church:

Jesus loves the little children.
All little children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight.
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

This one, just one verse of many, may have also been a record we played:

Little green frog, swimming in the water.
Little green frog, just doing what he ought’r.
Took a bite of a lily pad, clapped his hands
And he said, “I’m glad”
I’m a little green frog swimming in the water.”

These last three are all pretty common, each accompanied by gestures or a bit of dance...

Oh the wheels on the bus 
Go round and round, round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
All through the day.

The itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout.
Out came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.
And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.

Where is Thumbkin? Where is Thumbkin?
Here I am, here I am.
How are you today, sir?
Very fine, I thank you.
Run away, run away.

I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
This is my handle, this is my spout.
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout,
“Tip me over and pour me out!”

So that’s my memory test for today. What songs do you remember singing as a kid? Add’m to the comments section.

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