Creative spam headers

I am posting this against my better judgment, but here goes anyway. Rated PG 13, I suppose.

I have to say I've been getting a huge chuckle out of checking the trap on my spam filter lately. The subject headings are getting more and more creative. Who writes these things?  Most, of course, are for male "enhancement" products, Viagra or porn. Those marketers sure know how I like to spend MY money.

Just from today. (With my comments.)

• Huge cucumber is your riches (Time to start gardening?)
• Tired of being second best in bed? (Out of three, four?)
• Give yourself a massive headstart (On what?)
• Beat the odds, bed HER (Oh, they know my usual odds too!)
• Huge love weapon is never too much (Love weapon an oxymoron?)  
• Scarlett Johansson spills boobs (At least she didn't spill the beer.)
• Now You Can Enhance Your Sex Life at the Lowest Prices (I hope somebody forwards this to Eliot Spitzer.)
• Massive even when flaccid (Bragging rights down at the Y, you betcha!)
• Give her the present she deserves (What if she deserves someone who doesn't read this kind of spam?)
• Life is unpredictable. Be prepared. (The Boy Scout Motto, if I remember. Those little pervs.)
• Fierce and furious in bed (And fast!)
• Enhance your wicked reputation (I'm just tickled to know I have one.)
• Feel yourself more manly (But not in public, please.)
• Huge tool to please your lassie (A Shillelagh? No that's Irish.)
  
• Bang your way through all barriers (With your shilelagh, of course.)
• Be the man of women's dreams (And she'll wake up screaming.)
• No weight - no problems (Another one I don't get.)
• Immeasurable wand of pleasure (Wasn't it Harry Potter and the Immeasurable Wand of Pleasure?)
• Give her the time of her life (Proves Hobbs observation about life - nasty, brutish and short.)
• She saw the fire in my eye (Which is why she threw her drink in my face - to put it out.)
• Gain permanent gains now (Brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.)
• Rock her socks off. (More likely rock her to sleep.)
• Your tool is set to burst out from the toolbox. (I knew we'd gone too far with these cordless devices.)

Do you have a favorite spam subject header? Add it below - with or without commentary. Do women get the same spam as guys do? 

Comments

[diane]

Today's offerings included:
Clean colon: Flatter Tummy
Slim down both day and night!
Govt handouts-Millions available
A bigger smile on your partner
Hey: someone close could have a crush on you

[Danna]

Yes, sadly, the women get the same ones. Do they really think I am going to go running home shouting, "Honey, you have to try this!" I did get quite a chuckle out of the commentary though!

[Jane NIcholls]

All of my spam unfortunately seems to have me winning millions or having trouble with my bank account. However I did get this disconcerting one recently:

LIVE OR DIE and it was from someone called MUSA HUSAN (KILLER)

I'm glad he added the killer, or I would never have opened the email! Aparently I have a hit out on my life and I have to pay him not to kill me.

Hmmmmmm

[Doug Johnson]

Hi Jane,

That's a new one to me - extortion via spam! I would think the sender could get in very serious legal trouble on that one.

As I remember, New Zealand is prime territory for spammers. Still true?

Good luck and keep out of dark alleyways!

Doug

[Emma]

Yup! I too get lots of offers to improve bits of the body that I don't posses...

Right now, though, I seem to be getting a lot of offers of an MSc / MBA/ whatever without having to work... best not show my students those offers!

[Doug Johnson]

Hi Diane,

Interesting. I get lots of get-rich-quick schemes too. And weight loss. I don't remember any about cleaner colons, though. That's special!

Doug

[cindy]

Thanks for a great laugh - love your comments!

[Emma]

I've just had one from someone with a great email address... I wonder if he/she's related to Jane's Hit Man....
... burglary8villain at preciousjourney dot com

[Doug Johnson]

Emma,

Burglary and Villainy at Precious Journeys?

I get a mental image of a Precious Moments statuette of a criminal.

Cognitive dissonance!

Doug