A Minnesota Primer
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 04:33PM This came in my e-mail today. It seems to be all over the web, but sort of cute. And accurate! Doug
SOME LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT MINNESOTA (Author Unknown)
MINNESOTA BECAME THE 32ND STATE ON MAY 11, 1858 AND WAS ORIGINALLY SETTLED BY A LOST TRIBE OF NORWEGIANS SEEKING REFUGE FROM THE SEARING HEAT OF WISCONSIN'S WINTERS.
THE STATE FLAG OF MINNESOTA CONSISTS OF A BLUE BACKGROUND UPON WHICH SITS A DESIGN BEST DESCRIBED AS "HOW A 7-YEAR- OLD CITY GIRL WOULD DRAW A PICTURE TITLED 'LIFE ON THE FARM' ''.
MINNESOTA GETS ITS NAME FROM THE SIOUX INDIAN WORD 'MAH-NEE-SOO-TAH', MEANING 'NO, REALLY, THEY EAT FISH SOAKED IN LYE'.
THE STATE SONG OF MINNESOTA IS 'SOMEDAY THE VIKINGS WILL... AW, NEVER MIND'.
THE MALL OF AMERICA IN BLOOMINGTON, MINNESOTA COVERS 9.5 MILLION SQUARE FEET AND HAS ENOUGH SPACE TO HOLD 185,000 IDIOT TEENAGERS YAPPING AWAY ON CELL PHONES.
COKATO, MINNESOTA IS KNOWN AS 'THE LUTEFISK CAPITAL OF THE WORLD'. AVOID THIS CITY AT ALL COSTS.
'THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW' WAS SET IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, AND WAS MARY'S FIRST REAL ACTING JOB SINCE LEAVING THE 'DICK VAN DYKE SHOW'. THE SHOW -ABOUT A SINGLE WOMAN'S STRUGGLE TO FIND HAPPINESS IN THE BIG CITY, WAS ORIGINALLY TITLED 'LIFE WITHOUT DICK', BUT THAT WAS CHANGED FOR SOME REASON.
THE STATE MOTTO OF MINNESOTA IS, 'WHERE EVEN A MAN WHO WEARS A FEATHER BOA CAN GROW UP TO BE GOVERNOR.'
DOWNTOWN MINNEAPOLIS HAS AN ENCLOSED SKYWAY SYSTEM COVERING 52 BLOCKS, ALLOWING PEOPLE TO LIVE, WORK, EAT, AND SLEEP WITHOUT EVER GOING OUTSIDE. THE ONLY DOWNSIDE TO THIS IS THAT A NORWEGIAN OCCASIONALLY TURNS UP MISSING.
CARTOONIST CHARLES M. SHULTZ WAS BORN IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, AND WAS THE ONLY ARTIST TO ACCURATELY DEPICT THE PERFECTLY CIRCULAR HEADS OF MINNESOTA NATIVES.
THE HORMEL COMPANY OF AUSTIN, MINNESOTA PRODUCES 6 MILLION CANS OF SPAM A YEAR, EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ACTUALLY EATS THE CRAP.
WATER SKIS WERE INVENTED IN 1922 IN LAKE CITY, MINNESOTA BY RALPH SAMUELSON. SADLY, HE DROWNED SHORTLY AFTERWARDS, AS THE MOTORBOAT HADN'T BEEN INVENTED YET.
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA WAS ORIGINALLY NAMED 'PIG'S EYE', AFTER FRENCH CANADIAN WHISKEY TRADER PIERRE 'PIG'S EYE' PARRANT. ITS 'TWIN CITY', MINNEAPOLIS, WAS KNOWN AS 'PIG'S SPHINCTER'.
THE STAPLER WAS INVENTED IN SWINGLINE, MINNESOTA BY A CHUBBY, MUMBLING MAN NAMED MILTON IN 1899. THE CITY WAS MYSTERIOUSLY DESTROYED BY FIRE LATER THAT YEAR.
PELICAN RAPIDS IS HOME TO A 16-FOOT-TALL CONCRETE PELICAN, WHICH SUBSISTS ON A DIET OF 4-FOOT-LONG CONCRETE FISH.
IN 1973, OLIVIA, MINNESOTA, ERECTED A 25-FOOT TALL FIBERGLASS CORN COB TO CELEBRATE ITS RICH, AGRICULTURAL HERITAGE. THEN IN 1974, IT WAS EATEN BY A 50-FOOT STATUE OF BABE THE BLUE OX. YES, MINNESOTA HAS A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH STATUE CANNIBALISM.
MINNESOTA LICENSE PLATES ARE BLUE & WHITE AND CONTAIN THE PHRASE 'BLIZZARDS ON INDEPENDENCE DAY - YOU GET USED TO IT.'
FRANK C. MARS, FOUNDER OF THE MARS CANDY CO. WAS BORN IN NEWPORT, MINNESOTA. HIS 3 MUSKETEERS CANDY BAR ORIGINALLY CONTAINED THREE BARS IN ONE WRAPPER, EACH FILLED WITH A DIFFERENT FLAVOR NOUGAT - CHOCOLATE, SPAM, AND LUTEFISK.
THE FIRST FULLY AUTOMATIC POP-UP TOASTER WAS INVENTED IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA IN 1926. MINNESOTA'S STRINGENT BREAD-CONTROL LAWS CURRENTLY ONLY ALLOW RESIDENTS TO OWN SEMI-AUTOMATIC TOASTERS.
TONKA TRUCKS CONTINUE TO BE MANUFACTURED IN MINNETONKA, MINNESOTA, DESPITE THE THOUSANDS OF GI JOE DOLLS KILLED BY THEM ANNUALLY IN ROLLOVER ACCIDENTS. NO AIRBAGS, NO SEAT BELTS. THESE THINGS ARE DEATHTRAPS, I TELL YA!
AUTHOR LAURA INGALLS WILDER WAS BORN IN WALNUT CREEK, MINNESOTA, AND WAS FAMOUS FOR WRITING THE 'LITTLE HOUSE' SERIES OF BOOKS, AS WELL AS INVENTING THE 'SPAM DIET' - WHICH CONSISTS OF LOOKING AT A PLATE OF SPAM UNTIL YOU LOSE YOUR APPETITE. MUCH LIKE THE 'LUTEFISK DIET'.
THE SNOWMOBILE WAS INVENTED IN ROSEAU, MINNESOTA SO AS TO ALLOW FAMILIES A MEANS OF ATTENDING INDEPENDENCE DAY PICNICS.
MINNESOTANS ARE ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM WISCONSINITES. THE ONLY WAY TO TELL THEM APART IS TO ASK IF THEY VOTED FOR MONDALE IN '84.
So then, now ya know. Doug
Reader Comments (3)
My Minnesota-born mother would have said, "now, isn't that nice" - and meant it.
Now that was laugh out loud funny. Although there might be another to add, such as:
"Hawaii is the number one consumer of SPAM in the free world and imports tons of the stuff every year. The second largest import to the state of Hawaii are wintering Norwegians..."
Wow, Doug, if I had known all of this stuff, I never would have left the state!