Fashion pointers

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain

It must be something that kicks in with geezerdom, but I've been bothered a lot more lately by people who are badly dressed who should know better. I am not complaining about kids (now defined as anyone under 30). Their low-riding drawers are the fashion equivilant of my bell-bottom jeans of the 60s and 70s. One should accept that all young people are fashion idiots and that every generation should have embarassing photos from youth.

I am addressing the gwoen-up guys I see at conferences, at church services, well, just generally in public. These pointers cost little or nothing and would make my environment much more attractive:

1. Wear a damn belt. It and your shoes should match. (The shoes should match each other as well as the belt.) Reversible belts are a heck of a deal.
2. Buy your pants with a waist size big enough that you don't need to make the below or above the belly decision. Pants go across the belly.
3. Your socks should match your pants, not your shoes.
4. Don't wear brown shoes with black pants.
5. The bottom of your tie should just cover your belt buckle. If it's too long you look like a pervert; too short you look like a car salesman.
6. Don't let your tie's design be the most memorable thing about you.
7. No hats indoors. Especially those with earflaps. A baseball cap being clean does not make it formal wear.
8. If the color of a sports jacket doesn't occur in nature, leave it in the store.
9. When in doubt, it's better to over dress than under dress for any occasion. You can always take off the ties and jacket too keep from looking too much like a stick.
10. Ask your wife's opinion and then actually listen to it.

I only have one fashion tip for women (formulated after attending a wedding recently). If you are wearing a strapless dress, figure out some way (duct tape?) to feel secure in it instead of reaching under your arm pits and tugging it up every five minutes. You're breaking the hearts of all us dirty old men who are praying for gravity to win.

A fashion bonus tip (thanks M.A. Bell):

Comments

[Technobrarian]

Please get yourself a life--as you point out, it'll be over soon! I do my job and I wear whatever I like, and I don't care what anyone thinks. On the flip side,what others wear is entirely unimportant to me.

[Fashion Maven]

Some of you asked about dress codes for women (for office wear): Think classic and structured: Tailored suits, or dresses. Look at fashion magazines and old fashion books. What styles have endured? Stick with the timeless styles. Natural fibers are best most of the time (wool, silk, cotton, linen). Clothes should complement your body shape. If you're curvy, be careful to avoid cleavage showing. Bare arms before cleavage, as that old saying goes...

Shoes: Leather is best. Look for timeless styles. For summer shoes, slingbacks are more businesslike than step-ins like mules. Sandals can work if they're not too chunky or casual. Shoes with structure and not flip-flops or casual walking/sport sandals. Full-length slacks can get caught under the heel in slingbacks, so if you're wearing a pantsuit, closed-back shoes are less distracting /annoying. (there's even a product to address the "heel wedgie" -- not sure if it works but this video is interesting http://www.kixbykatie.com/)

For shoes and clothes, it can depend on what region you're in. If you like in a hot, humid climate, pastel, white, and bright tropicals would be at home. White shoes work in the tropics and in summer in more temperate regions. Other regions may be more subdued (gray, blue, black, burgundy, forest green, earth tones, heathered colors). The neutrals (beige, camel, etc) work in all regions year-round.

Quality above quantity: Good quality for all clothes. It's better to have fewer good clothes than a large quantity of mediocre ones.

There are some books on dress/wardrobe, such as the 1964 classic "Elegance" by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux (the 1964 is better than the shorter new edition) and a mid-1990s book called "Looking good" by Nancy Nix-Rice. Both of these address clothing & shoe styles, shapes, materials, personal styles, wardrobe-building tips, and advice on accessorizing.

Bottom line: Work clothes are often driven by what sort of field you're working in. Personally, it all depends on how formal you are and what image you want to project.

[Doug Johnson]

Hi Ninja,

Hey, I claim title to "crabby old fart!" But I didn't think to use it as a blog title :-(

Yup, cell phone holsters are sort of the pocket protectors of the 21st century. Keep you cell phone in you pocket so people can ask, "Is that a cell phone in your pocket vibrating or are you just happy to see me."

Appreciate the comment,

Doug

Gaybrarian,

I think it is a mistake to assume anyone has much fashion sense - gay, straight or simply confused.

All the best,

Doug

Hi Alex,

I am indeed a jerk, but probably not for the reason you've given. I have a good gay friend that refers to his partner as his wife. Is this unusual?

I love the term "heteronormative." I may get a bumper sticker made.

All the best and thanks for your interesting comment,

Doug

Thanks, M Herring. I wasn't directly commenting on librarians (I was thinking more Minnesota wedding goers and folks at tech conferences.) I do look forward to reading your AL article if I can find it on line.

All the best,

Doug

And thanks to everyone's insights. The world will be a more beautiful place as a result.

[Mark Sullivan]

Good article. I do disagree slightly with one point: I think socks can match the shirt rather than the pants, most of the time. If I'm wearing khakis and a blue shirt, blue socks look fine to me.

[Doug Johnson]

Thanks, Mark.

After posting the suggestion about socks, I did a little searching and found that advice about how to match socks is all over the board. The rationale that I remembered was that if your socks match your pants and your socks show, your legs look longer rather than your feet look bigger. (WIth a 36" inseam is is not a big deal for me.)

Not something I am willing to lose any sleep over!

Thanks for the note,

Doug

[Anonymous]

Number 2 is crap, have you seen what happens to big guys who wear their pants across the belly? it's appalling

Plus the fact that between sitting and standing, the size changes. And it's an incredibly painful place to wear pants, particularly if you're solid but round.

[Anonymous]

(not that I'm saying the choice should ever be above the belly, YEESH, Humpty Dumpty much?)

[Doug Johnson]

Hi Anonymous,

I'll agree that there isn't much disguising a really big belly. I don't just have 6-pack abs - I have the whole keg!

Doug

[Anonymous]

Socks should match the tie. In the absence of a tie, your shirt.

[anon]

Men , save yourself some time. Black shoes, black socks, and black belt always work. Doesn't make any difference what color your pants or your tie are. Never wear brown shoes or a brown belt.