Keeping Kids in Their Place
Saturday, December 25, 2010 at 06:00AM
Below Sykes’s original is in bold; my response follows.
Rule 1: Life is not fair; get used to it. Life is absolutely fair. We all get the same odds of absolutely arbitrary good and bad things happening to us.
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. The world doesn't care about anything. Only people have the capacity for caring and there are plenty of caring people in the world. We should teach people to feel good about a much wider scope of "accomplishments" than that narrowly defined by the business world: creativity, empathy, friendship, and healthfullness.
Rule 3: You will not make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both. I know kids who come out of high school (or a year of technical college) Novell or Cisco certified that make 40K easy. Artistic, athletic, entrepreneurial, and musical talents are rewarded at an even higher rate. Age and experience are not an indicator of earning power. Talent and rare or valued skills sets are.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss who doesn't have tenure. Very funny. Have you ever seen an employee evaluation done in the private sector? They are a joke. Good bosses aren't tough. They are teachers and coaches and mentors. At least the ones who wish to keep good employees are. (And that's driving the old white, bald, cigar-chomping, I-say-jump bosses nuts!)
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger-flipping; they called it opportunity. Depends on whether it is at MacDonalds or Chez Bovine. Any work into which a person cannot bring imagination, creativity, and personal-goal setting should be automated. I hate seeing humans doing the work of machines nearly as much as I hate seeing machines trying to do the work of humans (Internet filters, telephone automated responses, etc.)
Rule 6: If you screw up, it's not your parents' fault so don't whine about your mistakes. Learn from them. You haven't seen some of the parents my students deal with.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning your room, and listening to you talk how about how idealistic you are. I thought they got that way because they lost their idealism by for working for people like you, Mr. Sykes.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. Really? Then why do I always read about the number of times people like Harlan Sanders (KFC) failed before making it big? Good schools never give up on kids. We've learned that some people take a little more time to perform at an expected level of competence, but given time, energy and motivation, everybody will eventually get the "right" answers. Schools can't afford to be social sorting devices anymore, since there aren't places for D and F kids in society anymore.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off, and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. If you are smart and talented enough you can have as much time off as you wish. If you are a self-employed or a contract worker, you can pick and choose your own hours. If you are not finding yourself though work, you are in the wrong job.
Rule 10: Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Unless you are a writer, consultant, salesperson, or work from home (or with a cell phone and laptop out of a coffee shop). I would agree that television is not real life. Real life is a whole lot better. Thank goodness.
Rule 11: Living fast and dying young is romantic-only until you see one of your peers at room temperature. But living fast IS romantic. If you aren't a little wild while you are young, you'll have to be a little wild during a middle-age crisis when it's a lot more expensive and you'll look a great deal more foolish. The longest book is not always the most interesting book.
Rule 12: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for them. Be nice to everyone. Chances are true "nerds" will be working for you. Learn what motivates them and makes them loyal and productive.
Mr. Sykes, lighten up, get a grip and give some 21st century advice. The worker mentality you're promoting is not just wrong, but dangerous for anyone wanting success in a post-industrial world.
Reader Comments (3)
Funny how I see positive is both Mr. Sykes comments and your rebuttals. I plan on reading through these again to get the best of everything.
"Life is absolutely fair. We all get the same odds of absolutely arbitrary good and bad things happening to us."
I've been thinking about this and am not sure I agree. I think for some people the odds aren't the same. If you are lucky enough to be born into a certain family, your odds might be better than if you have been unlucky enough to be born in another family. I am thinking of families in Rule # 6. Some kids have the deck stacked against them. Life isn't fair for them from day 1. If the adults in kids lives aren't coping well and are unable to teach and show kids how to cope well in life is that absolutely fair. I don't think the odds are the same for all kids because of the families they are born into. I've seen too many screwed up kids because they were unlucky enough to be born in screwed up families. The deck is definately stacked against these kids.
Think about what you have said and how it applies globally. Afganistan is fair? Haiti is fair? Native kids in northern reserves in Canada is fair? I truly believe life isn't fair. For some kids saying things aren't fair simply means they didn't get what they wanted.
Hi Elona,
Your thoughtful post was sobering. Thank you.
There is something just plain disturbing about the concept of "fairness" and I often wonder if people would be better off if we didn't have it our vocabulary. While I certainly agree that life deals vastly different cards to different people - strengths and weakness, assets and liabilities, safety and danger - many of us too often use the "fairness" concept to not do what we can with what we do have. And by the same token, we give ourselves too much credit for our accomplishments that can be attributed to dumb luck.
Again, I appreciate your comments. You've made me stop and think a little harder. A wonderful gift.
Happy new year!
Doug