BFTP: All about assholes
Sunday, August 28, 2011 at 06:45AM A weekend Blue Skunk "feature" will be a revision of an old post. I'm calling this BFTP: Blast from the Past. Original post March 6, 2007. Given that a couple of coworkers seem to have attended asshole camp this summer and learned a great deal, I am reviewing the book and this post.
It’s always, always, always better to be a nice person than an ass.
You will make mistakes at home and on the job. So keep this in mind: People will forgive your mistakes if you are generally a nice person; they never forget them if you behave like an ass. from Machines Are the Easy Part; People Are the Hard Part. Illustration by Brady Johnson
Asshole is one of those words like bullshit that, while rude, is sufficiently descriptive and exact to be useful. My copy of Robert I. Sutton's smart little book The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't came in the mail yesterday. When I sat down with it I meant to only read the dust jacket but wound up nearly finishing it.
Based on an earlier article in the Harvard Business Review, Stanford professor Sutton defines an asshole as a person who meets these criteria:
Test One: After talking to the alleged asshole, does the "target" feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled by the person? In particular, does the target feel worse about him or herself?
Test Two: Does the alleged asshole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful than at those people who are more powerful?
While Sutton suggests we can all be temporary assholes, he singles out the chronic and "flaming" assholes as not just unpleasant to work with, but actually damaging to a company's bottom line. He even provides a TCA (Total Cost of Asshole) formula to determine what an asshole might be costing an organization.
While Sutton's observations and examples come from the business world, those of us in education should also learn from this book. At least I know I have worked with assholes and have probably acted like one more often than I would like to admit. I would even argue that the "no asshole rule" - that assholes will simply not be tolerated as part of the organizational culture - is even more important in schools than in businesses. The damage that assholes can do to kids is greater and more long-lasting than that they can do to adults. Period.
One piece of advice about disagreements Sutton shares comes from the University of Michigan's Karl Weick: "Fight as if you are right; listen as if you are wrong." Something as a blogger - writer, reader and responder - I need to remember a little better.
I advise my staff who too often get the brunt of an asshole's fury (tech problems tend to bring out the unreasonableness in people) to simply say, "Please talk with me about this when you can treat me with respect" and walk away.
Do you have any special methods of dealing with the assholes in your life?
Reader Comments (5)
I just try to avoid them as much as possible. I'm thinking particularly of always negative people. There's at least one in every school. I've tried pointing out the positives or changing the subject but these types won't be swayed. Everyone above them in the organization is an idiot and a scumbag and they're usually inflexible about, well, everything. I just smile, nod and try to scoot by them when possible.
Hi Ninja,
Good advice. Just a little harder to follow when the asshole happens to be your boss or someone to whom you need to provide services.
Have a great, asshole-free, start to your school year!
Doug
I love this article, as I have had more than my share of interactions with such folks, though rarely in the educational setting. It's just not our way.
One thing I've learned is how common it is for assholes to project their very behavior onto others. When one fails to occupy the intended position of inferiority while in the company of a true asshole, the asshole himself feels oppressed and diminished by such behavior, and you may find yourself the recipient of the name. One of my proudest moments is when my wife's ex's attorney called me an asshole because I refused to let him humiliate her. I was cooked a very nice dinner that night (one of many, I'll add).
Thank you for the tests... a little reflection is good for the soul.
One of my biggest concerns is that our society seems to glorify the asshole behavior - movies & TV & etc. (talk shows, anybody?) and so our kids start to think it cool to be an asshole.
Hi Bill,
I also find that dealing with assholes brings out a rather ugly side in myself. I too often respond to unpleasantness with unpleasantness.
Thanks for the comment,
Doug
And don't forget politicians. Ugly, ugly at both the national and state levels.
Doug