Messiah Complex or Impostor Syndrome: Is there a happy medium?
Monday, December 16, 2013 at 05:50AM Have you ever had the feeling that you didn't really know what you were doing, and it was just a matter of time before someone realized it and exposed you as a fraud? Do you suffer from Imposter Syndrome? Olivia Cabane, Huffington Post, March 23, 2012.
A messiah complex ... is a state of mind in which an individual holds a belief that they are, or are destined to become, a savior. Wikipedia.
If you're not having fun, NOBODY is having fun. Anonymous.
Even after giving well over 500 keynotes, conference sessions, and workshops in my "professional" speaking career, I am still convinced that any day I will be exposed as the fraud I know myself to be.
I worry before presentations. A lot. The brain kicks in at 3AM and doesn't want to shut off. I regularly have nightmares that I am unprepared to speak, late for an event, or can't find where I am supposed to be. I harbor doubts about my expertise, my style of delivery, the currency of my knowledge, and even my entire philosophical stance about technology. librarianship, and education. Even life. Everyone seems to know more than I do, light years beyond me in thinking and skills. And this anxiety applies to my professional writing as well.
So it was with a sigh of relief when my last presentation for the year (at our state technology conference) was over. I now have a chance to reflect on why I continue to do public speaking and workshops - and write for publication. It is, I suppose, because deep inside I feel I have something important to share that will improve things - or more often, that I am good at sharing the good ideas of other people. But then what makes me think my ideas are any better than anyone else's? That they are so important I need to get up in front of people and potentially waste hundreds of hours of human potential at one time. Do I suffer not just from the Imposter Syndrome but a Messiah Complex as well? Do I think I should be saving the world?
Like it or not, public speaking, public writing is a compulsion. An addiction no less strong than alcohol or tobacco, I suspect. While I stew continuously before a presentation, a high kicks in when I am actually in front of a group. They laugh at the right times. They say nice things after the talk. They e-mail and say they found what I had to say useful or meaningful or challenging. It's a rush.
Public speaking and public writing are performances. And those who perform enjoy it. Who doesn't like being the center of attention? Whose ego is not stroked with positive comments. Who isn't shattered when the comments are negative - but vow to do better in the future.
I envy those consultants and speakers and gurus who seem so invincible, so sure, so confident, so sure they are 100% correct. Go for it. Change the world. I am in awe.
Me? I think I need a couple weeks to reflect, to decompress, to gauge my actual value to the world.
Reader Comments (4)
Oh man! Do I identify! I remember teaching my first graduate-level class and thinking, "Please don't take notes. I have no idea what I'm talking about!"
I've enjoyed every presentation, article, column, Facebook post, Tweet and conversation I've ever had with you, Doug. You've changed my world for sure! Keep writing and presenting and I'll keep reading and following!
Doug, I also want to reiterate what Donna said and tell you that you have also changed my world. I have always loved your style of presenting, your blogs, your articles! However, it is your mentorship that has personally changed my life. I never thought I was "good enough" to present at a Memo Conference, at a TIES conference and DEFINITELY not good enough to present with Doug Johnson. (To friend or not to friend) I never thought I was "good enough" to write for a national publication or to blog publicly to the whole world. But it was and still is your encouragement to do these things that has helped to increase my confidence and your gentle nudges provided me many breakthrough moments in my professional career. I also want to say that because of your mentorship and your leadership - I feel compelled to mentor others (both staff and students) in doing the same. I hope you never stop presenting, blogging, writing - but most of all encouraging others that they are "good enough" and they do not have to be the smartest person in the room to share their story.
Hi Donna,
Thank you so much for this note. From someone who has herself done so much for the profession, this means a lot.
After a nice long (and warm) holiday break, I'm sure I'll be ready to get back in saddle again. I hope break is a good one!
All the best,
Doug
Hi Jen,
Wow! This is the nicest Christmas present ever! However, I think I learn more from you than vice versa. And yes, pay it forward professionally. I know you will.
Have a great holiday - take a break!
Doug
You have either fooled thousand of people OR you really do know what you are doing.
If it is the former, you need to go buy some lottery tickets NOW.
If it is the later, you need to take a well deserved break.