Benefit of the doubt
Monday, November 10, 2014 at 04:55PM - Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
When I walked out of a hotel in Atlanta last week, I saw this SUV parked in a compact car parking spot:
The note taped to the hood read:
We've all had thoughts similar (well, I have anyway). Where does this dork get off parking in a spot reserved for a smaller car? That person walking into the mall - why does he/she merit a handicapped license plate? Is that person in the grocery store just ahead of me really buying a steak with food stamps? Why does the kid wearing $100 sneakers qualify for a reduced price school lunch? Isn't that paper too good not to be plagiarized?
As I thought about the note on the car above, I could easily imagine a dozen reasons a person might squeeze a big vehicle into a small spot in order to be close to the door. Sick kid? Bad foot? Late for important meeting? Big load to carry into the hotel? Great-grandma came along? Only spot in the ramp left? Permission from management?
Or it could just be cussed laziness. Point is, why should we assume bad intentions? Why not assume good reasons?
Seems we do this as a species a lot, especially with students. Presume guilt instead of innocence. Forget Hanlon's Razor (Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.) when somebody screws up.
Lighten up. Presume innocence, stupidity, and often a rational explanation. You'll be happier with the human race - and yourself.
Reader Comments (4)
I learned this lesson this week. We had just merged onto the interstate towing our fifth-wheel trailer. So were were probably going a bit slower than the general traffic. Speed limit is 70 on this highway, so that usually not going to happen. Some guy passes us, and I say, "Hey, look! He's flipping us off!" Like he was mad that we were going so slow. Some people!
Anyway, a few miles later, my husband realizes that one of the flaps to our outside storage is open! I felt so guilty for assuming the worst from a guy who was trying to do a nice, helpful thing.
Lesson learned. I hope....(It's a hard one!)
I suppose it is human nature to give ourselves excuses for bad behavior then blindly refuse to give the same pass to the next guy. We make judgments based on limited knowledge and (in this age of instant dispersal) pop off a tweet or blog post full of righteous indignation. Just as one can never know how much difference a random act of kindness can make in someone's life, one can never know how devastating one of these unpleasant notes might be. Just because we think it doesn't mean we have to broadcast (or write) it. Kindness matters, doesn't it?
From your post: "That person walking into the mall - why does he/she merit a handicapped license plate?"
This one I take to heart. I can walk into a mall sometimes just like anyone else. However, I have a handicap tag. I look "normal" and perfectly capable of walking. Today at the grocery store, someone mentioned to someone else that it was "ridiculous that anyone could get one of those tags these days." "Anyone can't." And while I may look like there is nothing wrong with me, that 30 minute trip to the grocery can often take me 4 hours to get over. I have syringomyelia. I don't always look handicapped, but trust me, I always feel it. You can read about my SM here... http://propensitytodiscuss.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/syringomyelia/
Thank you so much for acknowledging that sometimes what we see is not always the full story. Walking into a mall may be OK, but the pain from too much time there is almost unbearable. Thank you for acknowledging that sometimes it is best to give the benefit of the doubt.
Thank you, Alicia. You make my point better than I ever could. We just too quickly and too harshly, and I am as guilty as anyone of doing so.
Doug