Be kind

 

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.
                                          George Saunders’s Advice to Graduates

I would agree with Scott McLeod that one of the best posts I've read for a long time is Give the kid a pencil by Chad Donohue on the Teaching Tolerance blog. He writes about a grad class discussing: "If a student shows up to class without a pencil, how should the teacher respond?" He writes:

Small groups collaborated for a few minutes. Ultimately, they came up with plans involving taking something (a shoe?) from the student as collateral to remind the student about the importance of having supplies, notifying parents and even assigning classroom cleanup duty or lunch detention.

“What about you, Prof?” they asked.

“I would give the kid a pencil,” I said.

“You mean the first time?” someone asked.

“Every time,” I said.

Why, as educators, as parents, as supervisors, do we think we have to be such hard asses all the time? "Give'm an inch and they'll take a mile" seems to be the going sentiment among a lot of people.

Come on, let's...

• Give the kid a pencil - everytime.
• Let the kid check out another book even if he has one overdue.
• Cut the kid some slack if he forgets to charge his iPad.
• Turn a blind eye if the para needs to go home to take care of a sick kid.
• Empathize when a tech makes a mistake.

I like responsible people. I really do. But I rather doubt being an ass ever made anyone behave better.

Be kind. We do tend to do behave and perform better for those we love...

And while you're at it, practice a little self-forgiveness as well.

See also:

• Niceness - a secret weapon
• Making kindness my goal

Comments

[Mark Crotty]

Love this, Doug! Really great message and reminder.

[Julie Eiden]

Thanks for the reminder.

[LH]

I agree with the blog.

I dislike opinionated teachers (and or people) that insist on making a point, with no concern of how a student (person) may receive it. Disconnected teachers (persons) make my blood pressure rise. I feel that it is essential to connect with students (people) and to allow an opportunity to engage each other. Engaging others and or life is what we humans are gifted to do; this allows us to grow and develop and to learn how unique and special that all of us are in this world.

Have a wonderful day.

[Heidi Hammond]

I really like your post. It made me happy. It reminded me of this quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer that R. J. Palacio used in her book Wonder: “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind." Thank you. You are a kind person.

[pradeep]

this is awesome..
thanks

[Vicki Davis]

I agree with this to a point. There is a time to give a child a pencil. There is a time to make sure you help that child build habits so they bring their own. There is a kind way to do that. There is a kind way to coach and help kids. There are kids who don't bring pencils because they can't afford them. There are kids who don't bring pencils because they can't seem to remember them. There are kids who bring pencils because they want it to be someone else's problem.

There are fine lines teachers walk every day. It is never OK to be a jerk to make a point. It is so important to be kind and respectful. But we are also raising leaders for tomorrow and we want them to be independent so they remember their pencil and have one.

I get the point but I think there is a finer shade of meaning. There are more answers to "may I have a pencil" than "no" and there are more ways to handle this problem than being a jerk.

[Doug Johnson]

Thanks, Heidi.

As someone in one of the articles mentioned, I think kindness comes easier the older one gets. Maybe you have perspective that self-worth for kids is more important than self-reliance or responsibility. I don't think I can remember a single occasion where I have acted in a kind way that things have turned out badly. Could be I have a selective memory or maybe haven't been kind very much?

Have a lovely weekend,

Doug

Hi Vicki,

Good to hear from you! I am sure your point of view is shared by many - and perhaps there are many ways to be kind, including helping students become more responsible.

I also think some kids don't bring a pencil just because they know it gets their teacher's goat!

Hope your new years is off to a great start,

Doug

[Dave Tchozewski]

My short story: I always provided my students with the pencil, or calculator. But I did so and requested a shoe as collateral. Not to embarrass the student. Not to prove a point. It was done so that I could make sure I had a pencil and a calculator for the next student to borrow. And "borrow" is what the students were doing. If I sensed a student ever needed a pencil or calculator on a more permanent basis, they got what they needed.

[Doug Johnson]

Hi Dave,

I certainly understand that practice (and it was what I did as a classroom teacher many moons ago). The article made me think, however, if even if the intent is to help teach responsibility ​and not to embarrass, if I was successful using the practice. Eventually, I found ways of collecting old pencils from custodians, art teachers, during locker clean-outs and always had an inexhaustible supply!

Thanks for your note - I am sure you speak for many thoughtful teachers.

Doug​