Tough love and logical consequences
Wednesday, August 31, 2016 at 05:02AM 
This came across my Facebook feed a week ago and I shared it on Twitter. On first blush, I was wholly sympathetic to this boys' school's policy that stressed personal responsibility, logical consequences, and real-world problem-solving.
Then I read this interesting response to the sign:
Hmmmmm. So on whom is tough love, tough? Ian seems to think that it's as tough on the teachers as it is on the kids.
Is there any way to make a school culture work for both the students and the teaching staff when it comes to personal responsibility? How rigid should such a policy actually be? Is the school being cruel to be kind - or just being cruel?
Theoretically at least, asking students to be responsible for their lunches, books, homework, etc. is in their best interest. To avoid the logical consequence of hunger when forgetting one's lunch may cause the child to be less forgetful the next day. This assumes that the adolescent brain is capable of making the connection between yesterday's hunger and today's lunch bag - which is a big assumption.
Yet, if we follow the logic of the Mr. Hecht in his Tweet, the boy's teachers will also suffer from a hungry kid in class. According to the American Diabetes Association, the symptoms of hypoglycemia include:
- Shakiness
- Nervousness or anxiety
- Sweating, chills and clamminess
- Irritability or impatience
- Confusion, including delirium
- Rapid/fast heartbeat
- Lightheadedness or dizziness
- Hunger and nausea
- Sleepiness
- Blurred/impaired vision
- Tingling or numbness in the lips or tongue
- Headaches
- Weakness or fatigue
- Anger, stubbornness, or sadness
- Lack of coordination
- Nightmares or crying out during sleep
- Seizures
- Unconsciousness
And their onset is rapid. Not exactly the reactions of a child ready to learn. Of course, skipping lunch will not result in hypoglycemia for all students, but there will be negative effects from any student who has not eaten lunch.
And quite honestly, I, as an adult, have on occasion have had to ask someone to help me when I have been forgetful. The real world has kindness in it as well.
Interested in reader reactions.
Reader Comments (6)
A little common sense and moderation would go a long way in this area. People of all ages need a little grace sometimes. Families and colleagues ought to help each other out in a pinch. If it becomes a crutch for a kid who's habitually forgetful/irresponsible, then deal with that family individually. I'd rather have my child know he can ask for help when he messes up rather than encourage him to be an anxious perfectionist. Don't you have an old post about how robots make the best students because they never make mistakes?!?
I think the above message is useful, and I appreciate the teachers and the school who put it up. It's brave of them to do so; I remember when I was in 2-3rd grade, my father didn't come to pick me up, or he was a little late as he had a busy schedule that day. And I was the last kid whose parent had not arrived yet.
The school staff was with me, and I insisted that they let me go as I knew my way back home and we lived pretty near to the school, or that's what I thought. I went ahead and started to walk and I still remember I was brave but deep inside I was scared. But the next time my father was busy I knew my way back home.
Or, the student will be provided the standard "forgotten lunch" lunch (which was milk and a cheese or peanut butter sandwich when I was a student). Alternatively, they will get lunch from the cafeteria and have it billed to their account. I don't think we should jump to the conclusion that they will be denied food completely.
My personal opinion / action for these situations is to give the student what they need, but make sure there is still a consequence for their actions (or lack there of). I keep pencils, pens and paper in my room and allow students to use them, but they know that it affects their grade (participation, class preparedness, other).
My initial reaction when I saw this on FB...where everyone was "liking" it was this: what if your son was "problem solving" by calling you? Is that a bad thing? I remember being called by my husband once who had forgotten his cell phone that morning when he left for work. He asked me to bring it to his office. This is an adult...who problem solved by calling his wife. Was he simply irresponsible and should he just "stew in his own juices?" No! He's a human who made a mistake and he did something about it. Is there no room or mercy in allowing our still growing children to be human and make mistakes?
I also think that this sort of thing really calls for knowing your own child. My son once called me from his middle school in a panic because he left his folder next to the computer with his project in it. He had stayed up late the night before working on it. This wasn't something he was in the habit of doing. Mistakes happen....but do we say, "Tough luck, kid?" I really get that schools are frustrated by parents who do everything for their children...and never teach them with consequences. Maybe they 're tired of the helicopter parents who don't allow their children to grow through mistakes, but being this rigid is an extreme.
Hi Priscilla,
I agree (as did my own daughter in an earlier reply) to your more humane approach. All of us, even we who normally are quite responsible, need help now and then. Thank you for your ideas.
Doug​