What gives you peace of mind?
Wednesday, January 6, 2021 at 06:20AM Increased anxiety seems to be a common symptom of the CORONA virus and the isolation many people feel because of it. This week's writing prompt from StoryWorth got me thinking about how I manage stress and worry. For what it's worth...
What gives you peace of mind?
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. Jonathan Kozel
I’d be dishonest if I said I always had perfect peace of mind. As I write this entry on a cold January morning in Minnesota, I will admit to having worries. I worry there will be violence when Congress votes to confirm Biden as president. I worry the national debt will have a negative economic impact on my children and grandchildren. I worry that the COVID-19 virus might infect my friends and family - and that small businesses will go under because of government restrictions meant to curtail the spread of the disease. I worry that the slow drip in the water line to my toilet will get worse.
Yet overall, I enjoy a fairly anxiety-free mindset. I take to heart Stephen Covey’s advice about knowing the difference between one’s Circle of Influence and one’s Circle of Concern. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey writes, “Focus your energy and attention where it counts, on the things over which you have influence. As you focus on things within your Circle of Influence, it will expand.”
So this week, instead of stewing about the latest idiotic thing our president has done and ranting about it on a Facebook post, I will call a plumber. I will call my mother to check on her well-being. I will write this little essay for my kids. I will send a funny cat video to my grandsons. I will cook a meal for a friend. I will do volunteer grocery shopping for seniors. I will go for a good long hike and enjoy the beauty of the snow.
Over the course of my career, I found my “circle of influence” as an educator shifted. When I was a classroom teacher, I had a big impact on the 25 or so students in my classroom. I could teach them subject-pronoun agreement. I could help them interpret “Out, out, brief candle” from Macbeth. When I became a school librarian, my circle of influence grew to having an impact on all the students in the school, as well as their teachers. But the impact on each was less. I engaged with individuals for brief periods of time on an irregular basis. I was helpful, to be sure, but much of what I did like selecting good resources for the library did not have an immediate, measurable outcome. And finally, when I moved into the role of technology director and library supervisor, my circle of influence was even larger - every student, teacher, administrator, staff member, and parent - was impacted by the decisions I made and the work my department prioritized. But to say what I did made a significant difference to a single child required even a greater leap of faith. As an author and speaker, the occasional comment from someone at a conference about one of my articles or workshops, was the only sign that I influenced anyone through my work aimed at international audiences.
But knowing that my impact lessened as my circle grew wider, did not really make me anxious, depressed, or sad. I was committed to improving schools and the experiences kids had in them by improving libraries and technology use. I, perhaps egotistically, kept making the ever longer leaps of faith I needed to feel I was making a difference. I did what I could.
In my personal life, I know that I cannot have a huge influence on the pandemic, but I can wear a mask when in public. I know that I can’t stop the increase in obesity rates in the U.S., but I can watch what I myself eat and get regular exercise. I have little control over environmental problems, racial inequities, or nuclear armament by Iran, but I can vote for the political leaders who I believe will work to help solve these issues. I will give to charities. I will volunteer. I pick up litter. While seemingly small actions, knowing I have at least some control over the things that worry me, is comforting.
Now in my dotage, believing that my family and friends are healthy, safe, happy - and still speaking to me - helps me sleep well. All members of my family know that I will always be there to support them, and I like to think they will be there should I need them as well. As my daughter says, “There will always be room for you in my basement, Dad.” Perhaps that brings me more peace of mind than anything.
Reader Comments (3)
I agree with every word of this but one, “dotage.” Hahaha. You have many years of meaningful action ahead, Dale Carnegie’s Circle of Influence has been a check I’ve made for myself for years. Thanks for it here—it works.
Oh, I think dotage works just fine!
Doug
Ditto