I’ve lost my temper

Just as the film showing in a local planetarium was beginning, a howl came from the back of the auditorium. A small child, it seemed, was frightened by the 3-D effects and wanted to leave. And his cries became a tantrum, distracting the rest of the audience until a parental-unit finally decided to remove him about five minutes into the movie.

It’s not just children who lose their tempers, of course. The stereotype of an old man often includes temper tantrums. “Get off my lawn, you little brats!” sort of thing. My mother who is showing significant signs of dementia now loses her temper often. I can remember my father whacking me for misbehavior as a kid after being hollered at. Honking horns of impatient drivers are common.

My personal temper was probably at its worst as a beginning high school classroom teacher. I lost it with some kid probably four or five times every day. Which was, I’m sure, those kids' goal - to watch an authority figure lose control.

Over the years, my outbursts have decreased. I went from multiple daily tantrums to just a couple a month. And for the last few years, I don’t know that I’ve lost it with anyone or anything - at least that I can remember.

This is not to say I don’t still get angry. Dangerous drivers. Stupid politicians. Idiots in the checkout lane of the grocery store. But this is an internal seething. Well, sometimes I remark on bad drivers aloud. But usually I consciously try to empathize with these fools and reassure myself that getting to my destination a couple minutes later is not the end of the world. Oh, and that I was once a young and reckless driver myself.

I often think about a book I read a few years ago called The Stoic Challenge by William Irvine. At its heart, it suggests that things that trouble us are placed there by the gods to test us. If we get angry, the gods win; if we instead face the obstacles calmly and constructively, we win. I like to win.

Keeping one’s cool is perhaps easier for lucky guys like me. I don’t struggle economically. I have a great family and wonderful friends. All the work I do is volunteer and there are no bad bosses in my life anymore. I use social media only for contact with people I know and do not discuss politics online. Front page troubles are miles away, if not continents away, from my quiet neighborhood in a safe suburb. What exactly is there for me to be angry about? Concerned, yes. Mad, no. 

I’ve lost my temper, but in a good way and am delighted to live an anger-free life. 

Join me.

Comments

[Jim]

Ah, the constant struggle

[Mandy]

Yes, heart troubles have made me have to get my angry mode in check. You are correct in that life is much sweeter and more peaceful when there are no bad tempers to contend with.

[Doug Johnson]

HI Jim,

I don't think the struggle is as great now that I am older. Or maybe it is just being retired.

Doug

Hi Mandy,

Good idea to keep calm with heart problems. I see the cardiologist next week. Wish me luck!

Happy New Year!

Doug