Those who are alone for the holidays

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I gave a ride to a woman I’ll call Mary yesterday in my role as a volunteer for a non-profit organization. She went first to a gas station to purchase a carton of menthol cigarettes, then to a dollar store, and finally to a grocery store. She didn’t get much. She lives in an extended living hotel, possibly with the help of a state homeless program. Mary doesn’t look healthy.

And it sounded like Mary was spending this Thanksgiving alone. Trying to make a pleasant conversation, I often ask the clients I drive for about their family and plans. Not all responses are happy and I often wonder if I should have asked the question.

It is knowing that these people exist, those who have no one with whom to share the holidays, that breaks my heart. Personality, life-choices, mental illness, poor health, addictions, trauma - one can only guess why some folks do not have family connections or good friendships. And Mary is only one of many people I serve both as a driver who live alone. Seemingly very alone.

I expressed to my daughter this feeling of heartbreak regarding my passengers and at her suggestion I recently read the book Trauma Stewardship by Laura Van Dernoot Lipsky. Lipsky wrote the book for those in professions that face far more stressful situations than my volunteer driving - police officers, emergency room workers, social workers, etc. But the takeaway is that anyone who wants to help others in need, needs to also make sure they take care of themselves both physically and mentally.

My mother’s death this past summer changed my plans for this holiday season. Over the past few years, my sister and I both drove to Mom’s house where we brought in a traditional holiday meal and spent the day with her. Without Mom, there is little reason to drive to my hometown. So my sister is spending this Thanksgiving with my daughter who lives in the same city and I am spending it with my friend Heidi and her daughter (after a traditional feast last night with son which Heidi generously prepared). As far as I can tell, no one I know, close family or friends, will be alone today. Were it otherwise, I think I would do something about it.

So thank you, Mary, for reminding me that of all things for which I should be grateful - health, wealth, travel, leisure activities, connections to other human beings is the most important to recognize and celebrate.

Thank you, family and friends. I love you all. Happy Thanksgiving.